“It was clear—there is no better way to summon the pain…

“It was clear—there is no better way to summon the pain of loss than
trying to sleep with someone that you don’t love, too soon after losing
the one that you do. I was almost better off alone than risking the
reminder of what had been lost. It was proving to be one of life’s
greatest challenges to go from intimacy with my beloved to intimacy with
a mere mortal. Of course, the beloved is surely mortal, but the
contrast between soul-sourced intimacy and attraction-driven intimacy
was startling after I had touched God with love’s fingers. My sexual
body had become indistinguishable from the divine and longed to remain
united. Separating them again felt like a kind of suicide, a desecration
of my innermost holiness. Better to have the memory of one beloved,
than the presence of a thousand sexy imposters.”

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